The Day I Died
I didn't wake up that morning expecting to meet Jesus.
May 13, 2021.
I died.
I experienced Heaven. I heard Him. I saw what human language cannot contain. And then Jesus said:
"There's still so much for you to do."
He sent me back.
I didn't choose it. I didn't agree to it. I wasn't happy about it.
I came back angry. Confused. No plan. No roadmap. Just... back.
For a long time I wrestled with the question that haunted me every day:
Why would God show me Heaven — let me feel what that feels like, see what that looks like — and then send me back to THIS?
I was angry at being back. Not at God — I wanted to be angry at God, felt like I had every right to be angry at God — but that anger just wasn't there. Somehow, in the middle of all that confusion and emotion, I was trusting Him. Not because I had figured anything out. Just because I couldn't not.
And that's actually how I knew God was working on me.
Because the trust was there before I could explain it.
The Revelation
God didn't send me back with an assignment already written out.
He stayed silent for a while. Letting me wrestle. Letting me heal. Preparing me for what was coming.
And then, slowly — over months, over years — He started revealing His plans.
A music-based Bible study platform. Curriculum for leaders. Tools for individuals. A three-tier content system. Partnerships with ministries I had no business connecting with.
Each step, the same reaction hit me:
God has the wrong dude.
Does He even know me?
Has He seen my track record? All the things I started and never finished?
There's nothing in my past that even suggests I'm capable of what He's asking me to do.
Seriously. You're calling ME to do all this?
And then came the diagnosis.
The Diagnosis
Primary Progressive Aphasia. PPA.
A rare form of dementia. A neurodegenerative brain disease that affects speech, language, executive function, working memory.
My brain — always my biggest strength — now fails me daily.
I can't make decisions the way I used to. Can't plan. Can't sequence. Can't hold information long enough to use it.
Add to that: significant gross motor challenges. Fourteen concussions. Debilitating migraines that steal entire days.
And the calling kept growing while my capacity kept declining.
Every day I faced the same impossible equation: a God-sized assignment and a brain that couldn't keep up with it.
One day — maybe in a moment of weakness, maybe in brutal honesty — I asked Him:
"Why is this time going to be different?"
Because nothing in my history suggested I could finish what He was asking me to start.
And He answered me. Clearly.
"Because this time you are taking Me with you."
And I said yes.
Not because I suddenly felt qualified. Not because the PPA went away. Not because the plan made sense.
Because the God who sent me back from Heaven was asking me to trust Him with what came next.
So I said yes.
The Assignment
The JDOT Five is that assignment. Well, pointing people toward Jesus is the assignment - The JDOT Five is just what God is using through me to point people toward Jesus.
It's not just a playlist. It's not just a Bible study. It's not just a ministry.
It's what happens when music opens the door to an encounter with God.
Every week, I curate five songs around one theme — one arc — one journey with Jesus. And then I build devotional content that connects those songs to Scripture, theology, and transformation.
Music is the doorway. Scripture is the anchor. Encounter is the goal.
I've spent my whole life knowing that worship music does something to the human heart that a sermon or a Bible study alone can't always do. Music bypasses the intellect and goes straight to the soul. It cracks open the places we keep guarded. It lets God in.
But I also know that emotion without theology is just feeling. And feelings fade.
So The JDOT Five holds both: the emotional power of music and the anchoring weight of God's Word.
That's the assignment.
Point people to Jesus through music. Give them tools to encounter Him. Build something that outlasts me.
Because one day — maybe soon, maybe not — the PPA will take my ability to speak, to write, to create.
But the themes I've already built? The playlists I've already curated? The curriculum I've already written?
Those will keep pointing people to Jesus long after I'm gone.
That's why I do this.
Why I Tell You This
In fact, I DON'T want to do this. Any of it.
But I live for Jesus and this is clearly what He is calling me to do.
So I create with urgency. Every theme. Every song. Every devotional.
But something shifted during the writing of the "What A Beautiful Name" Lyrical Lift.
The work stopped being mine.
It probably never was mine. But that day, God showed up and took over in a way I couldn't ignore.
Everything I do now — it's revelations from Him.
There are times I get done and look back and say, "What just happened?"
I look back and read what I just wrote or created and realize it wasn't me.
It was Him.
All of this is for the glory of God.
The urgency is real. The human side of my story is real. The PPA is real.
But the work? The work is His.
And if any of that resonates with you — if you've ever felt like God has the wrong person, if you've ever wondered what it would be like to encounter Jesus through the music you already love, if you've ever faced an assignment bigger than your capacity —
Welcome.
This is for you.
